The Berkeley Butthole

Literary Magazines Celebrate Annual Rejected Submissions Bonfire

Tom Gillespie - Butthole Freelancer

Boston - On Tuesday Night, the Literary Magazine Community of Emerson joined together for their annual Rejected Submissions Bonfire. Around 11:30 p.m., they all gathered to celebrate another successful submission harvest.

“No matter how many stories we reject, they same things keep coming back”, lamented Gangsters in Concrete Editor Alana Brown, gesturing to the stack of submissions behind her. “We arrange them into several piles: RAPE, CAR CRASH, DEATH OF ALCOHOLIC PARENT, GRANDMA STORY, FIRST TIME, and POORLY REALIZED GENRE FICTION”. We were going to have a Manic Pixie Dream Girl (MPDG) pile, but there are so many of those in all the piles that we had to draw the line somewhere.”

Brown continued on to state that the significance of the bonfires arose out of students sending smoke-offerings to any god for writing devoid of cliches. “There was a lot of superstition that went along with early Emerson publications,” adds Brown. “Those were the hardest times of all.”

Though the celebration upon the Esplanade provided a festive atmosphere for the occasion, Brown is in talks to relocate the bonfire to the dumpster behind Piano Row.

“It’s time to change the old ways. These piles of shit don’t deserve all the attention they get.”